77 Clean Jokes That Are Appropriate for Work and Kids

The key is, you can make people laugh without compromising your marriage, job, or overall well-being.

If you're talking to people of any age, from 9 to 90, these facts are safe to share. You might need to clarify for both young and old that Snoop Dogg is actually the Olympics guy.

Clean Work Jokes

• What term do dentists refer to as dental X-rays? Dental pictures.
• They mostly work at IHOP.
• What does NASA do to organize a party? They plan it.
• What did the custodian say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!!
• What do scientists do to freshen their breath? Experi-mints.
• Why don’t atoms get along with scientists? They make up everything.
• What's the most effective way to give your boss constructive feedback? Very tactfully.
• What do you call a magician who's lost his magic? Ian.

Clean Animal Jokes

• How do you measure a snake? In inches, since they don't have feet to measure by.
• What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really, really heavy; the other is much lighter.
• What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear.
• What do you call a pig that's a black belt? A pork chop.
• Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself? Luigi
• What do you call a dog magician? A Labradorabracadabra.
• What did the American bison say when his son went to college? Bison.

Clean Punny Jokes

• When is a joke considered a "dad" joke? When it's clear it is.
• You're wondering why this time period is called the "Dark Ages." I know that there were certainly a lot of knights around back then.
• What’s the difference between a guy who's poorly dressed riding a unicycle and a guy who’s well-dressed riding a bike? Clothing.
• I stayed awake one night pondering where the sun was located. It wasn't until then that it clicked, I finally got it.
• What do you call pretend spaghetti? Im'pasta.
• Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? He wanted to get a long little dog.
• Why are crabs not very good at sharing? They're shellfish.
• I attempted to capture fog. Moisture rising from the ground.
• Why didn't the banana attend school? It wasn't doing well.
• Why did the ghost go to rehabilitation? He had a habit of being too fond of spooky noises.
• To find Will Smith in the snow, look for fresh human footprints.
• What happens to water droplets that don't form a rainbow? They serve a light sentence somewhere, perhaps a prism.
• What happens when a frog's car breaks down? It gets struck on the road.

Clean Silly Jokes

• What did the ocean say to the ocean? Nothing. It just waved.
• What's the best thing about Switzerland? I'm not really sure, but their national flag is definitely a positive aspect.
• Why isn’t Dracula getting married? He’s a bit of a major headache.
• Here's a joke about the roof: You're getting it for free – literally, it's on the house.
• Why won't teddy bears eat snacks? They're always full from being stuffed.
• At an ice cream shop, a Buddhist asked for a unique order. He said, "Make me one with all of the ingredients."
• I attempted to win a suntan contest, but all I ended up with was a bronzed tan.
• What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback.
• Why did the skeleton skip the dance? He had nowhere to go to move his body.
• A winter wonderland joke! That one banks on your expectations! Snowmen just can't get loans, it's a bank in the snow.
• Why won't skeletons fight? They don't have the stomach for it.
• Why was the belt arrested? It was caught holding up a pair of pants.
• What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle.
• Why was Cinderella kicked off her soccer team? She consistently left her post to attend the ball.
• The golfer brought an extra pair of pants because he didn't want to be caught kidding around if he got a hole-in-one.
• Why did the car get a flat tire? There was a sharp turn ahead.
• Why did the can-crusher quit his job? It was soda-pressing related pennies.
• Why would the donut go to the dentist? To get a filling.
• What's on the menu for a vegan zombie's appetite? Braaaaains is the order of the day.
• What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look half full."
• What's something orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
• Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella? For the drizzle.
• What do you call Batman when he doesn't go to work? Christian Bale.
• Two satellite dishes decided to get hitched. The vows were nice, but the party was fantastic!

• I missed work because of a vision issue. I wasn't able to get to the office today due to poor sight.
• What did the pirate say when he reached his eightieth birthday? Ah, matey.
• The difference between in-laws and outlaws is that outlaws are wanted.
• What's something brown and sticky to the touch? A stick.
• If Batman and Robin get hit by a vehicle, you might call them Flatman and Ribbon.
• What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
• I'm currently reading a novel about objects that defy gravity, and it's absolutely captivating – I just can't seem to put it aside.
• Did you hear the story about the astronaut who left his wife? He needed some space.
• There wasn't a single dry eye at the wedding. Even the cake was multilayered.
• You're probably thinking of soap or hot water, aren't you? But many experts say the leading cause of dry skin is actually over-washing or using harsh soaps that strip the skin of its natural oils, not towels.
• They seem pretty laid-back, don't they? "Nothing gets under their skin."
• Today I got rid of some dead batteries by giving them away for free.
• What kinds of breeds are naturally well-suited to racing in cars? Lapdogs.
• One day, the past, present, and future all walked into a bar. It was pretty awkward.
• It strikes me that every single odd number exists.
• Many people are surprised by dry erase boards because they're remarkable.
• To make mistakes is natural. To blame others is the job of a manager.
• The distinction between ignorance and apathy is: Don't know and don't care.
• Why do ghosts use elevators? They lift their spirits.
• Let's just say I've heard whispers about butter...
• I got rid of my vacuum cleaner - it was only creating clutter.
• Looking to buy chicken broth in bulk? Venture into the stock market.
• Regardless of how hard you try, paper will always be for stationary purposes.
• What do you do if you get the bird flu? Seek medical treatment.
• It's really tricky to explain things in detail to individuals who have a tendency to steal compulsively. They usually take the words you say at face value.