People who are 'emotionally immature' always use these 12 phrases, say communication experts

We've all encountered individuals who behave in an emotionally immature manner: They become defensive when faced with even the mildest criticism, they frequently shift the blame onto others, and then attempt to induce feelings of guilt in you on their behalf.

No matter the context - whether it's at home or at work - interacting with them can be a significant challenge.

We're aware that if you're not mindful, you can also easily appear emotionally immature to others. Why? Many of us automatically use certain phrases that are characteristic of emotional immaturity without even realizing it.

Here's a list of the most common ones to steer clear of:

1. "This isn't my responsibility."

Individuals with emotional immaturity often avoid taking responsibility for their actions when things go wrong. In such cases, they tend to extricate themselves from the situation by promptly claiming they are not at fault.

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2. "If you hadn't done that, it wouldn't have occurred."

Someone who is emotionally immature will try their best to avoid taking responsibility for what they've done, and a common way they do this is by making it seem like you, or basically anyone else, is the one who's in the wrong, not them.

I don't have to justify myself to you.

You can almost picture a little kid saying this one. This phrase is a way for them to sidestep any real accountability or honest communication with the person they are interacting with.

4. 'You're overreacting.'

— trying to convince others that a false reality is true — and shifting the blame once again. The message they're conveying: You're the issue, not me. Another toxic phrase in this line is "you're being too sensitive."

5. 'Yeah, whatever.'

People use a casual "whatever" - often accompanied by a shrug - to indicate, "I'm finished with this conversation." This is an emotionally immature way to interrupt communication and effectively end further discussion.

6. "What are you referring to? I never made that statement."

Here we go again with the gaslighting tactic. People who are emotionally immature manipulate reality, both for themselves and, more significantly, for others. When someone says something like this, they're usually trying to shift the blame and make you doubt what actually happened.

7. "That's your issue, not my responsibility."

In this instance, people who are emotionally immature tend to sidestep complicated issues by shifting the blame to someone else and evading all accountability. This behavior is a classic illustration of transference.

You're blowing this out of proportion.

Another common example of invalidating others, often used in both personal and professional relationships, is saying phrases like this. By expressing these phrases, an emotionally immature person is essentially dismissing the other person's concerns and opinions, and belittling their reactions.

You're referring to a past time.

Yes, it's usually best to focus on the future. However, individuals who lack emotional maturity often become defensive when others point out their past mistakes, claiming that they're dwelling on the past. What they're actually trying to avoid is confronting their errors and engaging in an open and honest discussion about the issue at hand, preferring instead to simply move forward without resolving the problem.

10. "I was just kidding around!"

Here's an example of how people who lack emotional maturity use passive-aggressive behavior to avoid taking responsibility for what they say. It may seem like they're trying to be conciliatory, but in reality, they're often critiquing someone while also disassociating themselves from their statement.

11. 'You always'/'You never...'

People who are emotionally underdeveloped often use sweeping statements to avoid discussing things in a constructive and honest way. Instead of using specific examples or engaging in a real conversation, they'll make a broad accusation and use that as a way to shut down the conversation.

12. "But everyone else does it!"

There's one phrase that has a very childish tone to it. Many of us have used the "but all the kids are doing it" excuse in an attempt to convince our parents to let us do something - usually without much success. However, emotionally immature adults also use this phrase.

They'll use the classic "everybody's doing it" excuse to justify something they want to do or have already done. And, of course, they'll claim they're blameless because they were just following the crowd.

Kathy and Ross Petras are the brother-and-sister co-authors of the New York Times number one bestseller You're Saying It Wrong , along with other popular language books the co-hosts of the award-winning NPR syndicated radio show and podcast You're Saying It Wrong They've also been featured in media outlets such as the New York Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Washington Post, and the Harvard Business Review. Follow them on Bluesky .

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